Confessions
by catgurl83
Summary: Josh finds out a secret that could destroy his life. This is the sequel to Why I Don't Believe in God. Josh Mallory


Author: Catgurl83  
  
Title: Confessions  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm making no money off of them.  
  
Feedback: Is much appreciated.  
  
Spoilers: Spoilers through the first four seasons.  
  
Pairing: Josh \ Donna, Josh \ Mallory, Toby \ Andi  
  
Rating: This story is rated R for the sexual situations and serious subjects that it contains.  
  
Author's note: This is the sequel to Why I Don't Believe in God.  
  
Thanks to Classic She for beta reading this for me.  
  
*************  
  
A, Mallory wrote the letter at the top of the paper in bright red ink and laid the essay aside. The next, which was a biography of Andrew Jackson, would make her father cringe. Still, the student was only a third grader so Mal wrote a C in the corner of the paper.  
  
Great, she'd done it again. She'd allowed thoughts of her father to surface in her mind. She had been trying to avoid thoughts of her father.  
  
Trying to push the thought away, Mal grabbed another paper from the stack on the table before her. 'I believe that the greatest president so far is President Josiah Bartlett. President Bartlett is a very brave and good man.' Mal sighed in frustration as she returned the paper to the stack.  
  
Standing, Mal abandoned the papers and headed to the kitchen. Grabbing a Coke from the fridge, she sat on one of the stools at the island in the center of the room.  
  
Her father had been behaving very strangely in the last few months. She had even wondered if he had started drinking again but had quickly discounted the thought. If he were drinking again they'd know, there would definitely be indications. He had been spending just as much time as usual at the White House and as far as she knew, no one had caught him inebriated.  
  
Drinking was not at fault but Mallory didn't know what was. Her father had been more distant than usual. Not just from her but from Margaret and Josh as well. It was as if he was worried about something. What, Mallory had no idea.  
  
She had gotten so worried that she had gone to her Godmother a few weeks before. Abbey had confided in her that she and Jed were worried about Leo too. He was preoccupied with something, or so it seemed.  
  
None of them knew what to do but wait for him to tell them whatever it was.  
  
*********  
  
Stepping into his apartment, Josh felt the familiar pangs that always assaulted him when he entered the apartment. Sam, Mal, Leo, even Abbey, had suggested that he find a new apartment in the first weeks after Donna's death. He couldn't. It was impossible to explain to them but the pang was good. It proved to him that he could still feel, that he was still alive. It had been so sharp at first that he had thought that it was going to shred him into tiny pieces. Now, it still hurt, but the pang was duller.  
  
She had been gone for almost a year now. The last ten months had been the worst months of his life but it was finally starting to get better.  
  
Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he stepped into the living room and flipped the TV on. CNN came on the screen as Josh sank down onto the couch.  
  
In the days after Donna's death, he had tried to push everyone away. He just couldn't take their sympathy, their pity, the fact that it hurt them but they could still live. It hadn't destroyed them like it had him. Even her parents had been able to laugh, to smile, to be happy. He just hadn't been able to do any of those things when it felt like his heart and soul had been violently ripped out of his body.  
  
He had gone back to work just a few days after the funeral over the protests of most of the people close to him. Surprisingly, the President and Leo had taken his side. They had both said that they could understand his need for work.  
  
He had proceeded to shut his friends completely out. He would only speak to them about work, no more going out for drinks or watching the game together. It hadn't succeeded though. All of them had pushed back. He suspected that Mal had lead them but had no proof.  
  
They wouldn't let him isolate himself in his grief. They, with the help of Stanley, had made him face it head on. And he had begun to heal, a little at a time. The last few months had been bearable thanks to their help and support. He had actually caught himself having fun.  
  
A half smile on his face, he got up from the couch and retrieved the phone. He dialed a familiar number and waited for the person to answer. "Hey, how about we go get some drinks tonight."  
  
*********  
  
"I'm going to need the file for my meeting with Congressman Callahan," Josh said as he strode past his assistant's desk the next morning.  
  
Julie looked up. "You have Senior Staff in ten minutes."  
  
Josh nodded as he walked past her. She was a good assistant but they'd never have the relationship that he and Donna had had. And not just their personal relationship but their professional too. They had a more traditional boss \ assistant relationship going. There was no banter, no real friendship, no time spent together outside of the office. She worked conventional hours when there wasn't an emergency. And all of that was more than fine with Josh. He didn't want anyone who was anything at all like Donna.  
  
In his office, he dropped his backpack behind his desk and took a moment to gingerly touch the picture frame setting on the smooth surface. The picture was from their wedding reception. They were dancing, their eyes locked on each other. The photographer had caught their love with just one simple picture.  
  
Josh ran his finger down her cheek as he sighed. No matter what happened, he'd always love her. No one could ever replace her in his heart.  
  
Stepping out of his office, he headed toward Leo's office.  
  
"Go on in, Josh." Margaret didn't even look up from whatever she was doing.  
  
Sam, Toby, and CJ were all already seated around the room. Josh settled for lounging against the wall, facing Leo's desk.  
  
After a moment, Leo looked up. Josh did a double take. His friend and mentor kept glaring at him. Things had been tense between them for a while now but Leo had never actually outright glared at him. Josh had no idea what was wrong with the older man, nor did anyone else who was close to Leo.  
  
As the meeting continued, Josh became more and more confused. Leo was barely civil to him. He racked his brain trying to figure out what he had done to upset the other man and how much trouble he'd be in. He came up with nothing.  
  
"Josh."  
  
Josh pulled himself from his musings and realized that the others had already left. "Sorry." He turned toward the door. On impulse, he turned back. Leo was looking at a file on his desk. "Leo?"  
  
"What do you want Josh?" Leo asked the question without looking up, his tone flat.  
  
"Did I do something?" Donna used to tell him that there wasn't a day that he didn't do something or piss someone off. He just didn't always get caught. Apparently this time he'd been caught doing whatever it was Leo was angry about.  
  
"You tell me Josh. What did you do now?"  
  
Josh stepped farther into the room and sat opposite the desk. "I'm not sure this time."  
  
Leo finally looked up. "I spoke to Mallory last night."  
  
Josh just continued to look at him blankly. He still didn't get what the problem was.  
  
"When I called, she couldn't talk to me because she was about to go meet you," Leo said coldly.  
  
Comprehension dawned on Josh's face. "We had drinks together last night."  
  
Leo looked back down at his file.  
  
Leo had gotten angry when Sam had dated Mallory, Josh remembered. In fact, as far as he knew, Leo had never approved of anyone whom Mallory dated. "We're friends."  
  
Leo didn't comment.  
  
"We've been friends for years, we're best friends," Josh went on, wondering why he was explaining himself. There was no way he'd do this if it were anyone other than Leo or President Bartlett. Or Abbey. "You have never had a problem with it before."  
  
Leo looked up again, controlled anger in his eyes. "You've never spent this much time together."  
  
"No, we haven't but it's different now. She's helped me a lot. I've needed her friendship more than I can say," Josh admitted.  
  
Leo's eyes softened a little. "I know. That is why I haven't said anything. For a while Mal was the only one who could get through to you, besides Stanley. She was the only one who could get you to go out and socialize, to be with people. But now... now you need to start confiding in the others."  
  
"We have fun together."  
  
Leo shut the file forcefully. "You're having dinner together tonight."  
  
Josh's eyes widened. He fought back his anger. "You've been checking up on me?"  
  
"I called my daughter this morning to ask her to have dinner with me. She informed that she already had plans. With you." He leveled his gaze on Josh. "I want you to cancel the dinner."  
  
"What?" Josh's anger was still firmly controlled.  
  
"Julie told me that you have gone out to dinner five times in the last two weeks, that she knows of. You had her make the reservations."  
  
Josh stood. "You checked up on me with my assistant?" His tone was incredulous. He could not believe that Leo would stoop to that. He had always thought that Leo had more integrity than that. Apparently, he had been wrong.  
  
"How many of those dinners were with Mal?" Leo pressed on angrily. He didn't often let go of his anger; this was one of those rare times.  
  
"That isn't any of your business. Mal is an adult."  
  
"She's my daughter." He stood.  
  
"Whether or not we have dinner together is no ones business other than our own." He turned to the door again. Turning back, he softened his expression an increment. "Spending time with her makes me happy Leo. I need that."  
  
As the younger man left, Leo sank back into his chair with a deep sigh. How the hell was he going to fix this mess?  
  
**************  
  
"My father called this morning," Mallory told Josh that evening. "He wanted me to have dinner with him." She paused. "I told him that I was having dinner with you."  
  
"And he was pissed," Josh finished for her.  
  
Mal arched a brow. "So you had a run in with him?"  
  
"Yeah. He's been distant for a while now but today he was pissed at me. After our conversation we avoided each other as much as we could."  
  
"Conversation?" Mal repeated. This sounded ominous.  
  
"He ordered me to cancel dinner. I refused."  
  
Anger flashed in Mal's eyes. "How dare he think that he can manipulate my life like that? Who I do or do not have dinner with is none of his business."  
  
Josh shrugged. "That's basically what I told him."  
  
"That wasn't the end of it," Mal informed him with a sigh. She wished that her father would just chill out. "He always behaves irrationally toward the men that I spend time with."  
  
Josh held back his sigh. Mal was right; this was just going to get worse. Leo was going to have a fit when he found out that Mal and Josh were dating. They had been together for over a month now. He had spent weeks, maybe months, telling himself that all that they'd ever be was friends. That he wasn't ready for a romantic relationship. That he probably never would be. His heart would always belong to his wife. And it was true. In a lot of ways, his heart always would belong to Donna but he couldn't stop living. Donna wouldn't want that. And Mal made him happy.  
  
Mal studied Josh's expression wondering what he was thinking about. From his expression, she could tell that his thoughts had something to do with Donna.  
  
Josh would always have feelings for Donna. Mallory was sure of that and she was fine with it. Josh had loved Donna with all of his heart. Moving on and starting another relationship had been difficult for him. She could understand that. She herself was apprehensive about the relationship at first, not wanting to ruin a friendship that she had had since she was a toddler.  
  
It had been inevitable though. They knew each other so well and had been spending so much time together that it had been only natural for their feelings to begin to shift from friendship to something more.  
  
"Josh?"  
  
Josh blinked as he pulled himself out of his thoughts and focused on Mallory. "Hmm?"  
  
"How about you come to my place for dinner tomorrow?"  
  
Josh hesitated. He knew what Mal wasn't saying. Was he ready for this? Was he ready to take their relationship to the next level?  
  
"What time?" he asked after several moments.  
  
**********  
  
Mallory spent the majority of the next day, Saturday, cooking. She loved to cook but rarely got the chance to do so. Teaching took up so much of her time. Plus, it just wasn't as much fun to cook for yourself as it was for others.  
  
Growing up, some of her fondest memories were of time spent in the kitchen cooking with her father. Her mother had rarely stepped foot into the kitchen. When he hadn't been drunk or high, her father was a very good cook.  
  
That evening, they sat at a small table Mal had set up on her balcony. The slight chill to the air was worth it. As the sun set and darkness started to engulf them, they were able to look out at the gorgeous lights of DC. It was breathtaking.  
  
Josh took a bite of the Baked Alaska that Mallory had made for dessert. It was divine. "This is good Mal."  
  
Mallory smiled at him, "Thanks."  
  
"I never knew that you could cook like this." That kind of surprised him. He had known Mal since they were children. He had been sure that he knew pretty much everything about her. Apparently, he didn't. He held back his grin as he thought about how interesting it was going to be to find out more.  
  
Mallory studied Josh's expression curiously. For once, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. But from the grin that he was having difficulty suppressing, it must be something good.  
  
Still wondering what exactly Josh was thinking, she stood up. She stepped inside the apartment and set her plate on the kitchen counter.  
  
Josh followed behind Mallory and set his plate next to hers. He waved his hand to indicate the dishes. "Should we take care of these?"  
  
Mal shook her head. "I'll see about putting everything in the dishwasher later."  
  
Josh watched, mesmerized, as her shimmering red hair fell in around her face as she shook her head. He barely resisted the urge to reach out and take a strand between his fingers.  
  
"Josh," she said his name softly.  
  
At the sound of his name, Josh's eyes moved toward her face and settled on her lips. Before he could change his mind, Josh leaned forward and brushed his lips against Mal's. Hesitant at first, it was a soft, gentle kiss but it quickly changed and gained strength as he felt her respond to his touch.  
  
Josh pulled Mal into his arms as he deepened the kiss.  
  
She leaned into him, running her hand up and down his chest, as she welcomed his tongue. Her other hand fisted in his hair, pulling him close to her.  
  
Without breaking the kiss, Josh walked them backward until Mal was pressed against the kitchen wall. He slid his hand beneath her shirt, trailing his fingers up her spine before slipping around to cup her breast, teasing her nipple through the lace of her bra.  
  
Josh pulled away from her just long enough to pull her shirt over her head and toss it aside. With deft fingers, he unhooked the clasp of her bra and let it fall to the floor.  
  
As Josh's mouth settled on her breast, Mal trailed her hand down his chest. She circled the snap of his jeans with slow fingers before finally undoing the snap. She pushed her fingers past the fabric.  
  
"What the hell?!!!"  
  
Her fingers stilled a fraction of a second away from reaching their goal as the familiar voice penetrated the passion-induced fog that had engulfed her brain.  
  
Josh's eyes immediately changed from aroused to cold as he glared at the man standing in the kitchen doorway.  
  
Mallory's shock turned to anger and embarrassment as she realized what her father had just walked in on. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest.  
  
Leo snagged his daughter's shirt off of the counter and tossed it to her. He turned hard eyes on Josh. "What the hell was going on here?" he demanded again.  
  
Josh glanced at Mallory, who was now clutching her shirt to her chest so tightly that her fingers were losing their color. "It's none of your damn business," he said softly, turning his eyes back to Leo.  
  
"The hell it isn't my business!" Leo thundered.  
  
Oh God, Mallory thought. Could she be in any worse of a situation? She could tell that Josh was about to explode, he was so angry with her father.  
  
"How the hell did you get in here?" Josh demanded.  
  
"I knocked, you didn't answer. So I let myself in, I have a key," Leo answered flatly.  
  
Before Josh could respond, Mal spoke through clenched teeth. "You had no right to use your key like this." She carefully pulled one hand away from the shirt and pointed toward the exit. "Get out."  
  
"Mallory..."  
  
She cut him off. "I don't want to talk to you right now. I can't talk to you right now. Get out."  
  
Leo swallowed back his protest. Josh and Mal would not listen to reason right now. He hesitated as he considered what to do, what to say. They were both outraged. "I'll call you later."  
  
Mallory waited until she heard the door close behind her father before she let her fingers relax on her shirt. "Oh God."  
  
Josh ran his hand through his hair as he worked to choke back his anger. "He has a key?" he finally asked.  
  
"I gave it to him almost two years ago when I went to a teachers convention." She shrugged, "It was an extra so I never got it back from him."  
  
Josh swallowed a sigh. As pissed as he was at Leo, maybe the interruption was a good thing. He had only meant to kiss her, nothing more, at least not yet. Perhaps it was divine intervention. He reached down and re-snapped his jeans as Mal pulled her shirt on, not bothering to locate her bra.  
  
In the living room, they sat across from each other, Mal on the sofa and Josh in an armchair.  
  
"As pissed as I am at your father, I'm glad that we stopped."  
  
Her eyes widened at his words, "Oh."  
  
Josh bit back his groan at the hurt in her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that Mal." Frustrated, he ran his hand through his hair again as he grappled for the words to explain what he was feeling. "It would have just been sex, Mal."  
  
Mal just stared at him.  
  
Josh stood up, unable to suppress the need to pace. He formed his best thoughts while pacing. "I used to do this all of the time."  
  
She raised an eyebrow in question.  
  
"This... sex. Casual sex. Sex to satisfy my physical needs."  
  
"Okay," she replied hesitantly, still having no idea where he was going.  
  
"My marriage changed all of that. I learned that sex could be more than just satisfying my physical needs. It was intimate. It was a way to express, um, a way to deepen my physical and emotional connection with my wife. Donna and I didn't have sex, we made love. And I never understood that before we were married, that there is a difference between the two."  
  
Mallory studied him. Even as he fidgeted, obviously having trouble explaining his thoughts and feelings, there was so much honesty on his face and in his eyes. "Are you saying that you don't want to have sex outside of marriage?" she asked him slowly.  
  
Josh sighed as he sat back down. "No, not exactly. It doesn't necessarily have to be marriage." He shot her a sideways glance, "I want to make love with you, not just have sex. But we aren't ready yet."  
  
Mallory's heart slowed at the word 'yet'. At least he thought that they would get to that point. "Okay," she said quietly, giving him a small smile to let him know that she wasn't angry with him.  
  
*********  
  
Leo sat in his darkened office, his head between his hands. He couldn't get those images out of his head; his daughter half naked, Josh's mouth on her breast, his hands on her body. He had felt nauseous watching them like that. It was a father's worst nightmare.  
  
What the hell was he going to do to stop this? To keep it from going farther?  
  
He was reasonably sure that nothing was happening between Josh and Mallory right then. He didn't think that either of them could go on after he had walked in like that. But what would keep them from sleeping together the next day? Or the day after that?  
  
That old saying, no good deed goes unpunished, really was true, he thought with a harsh laugh. That scene in his daughter's apartment had been his punishment, or at least part of it.  
  
"Leo..." Jed froze, his hand still on the door connecting the Oval to Leo's office. His friend looked like hell.  
  
Leo immediately stood at his best friend's voice. "Mr. President."  
  
Watching Leo with concern, Jed stepped farther into the room. He approached the sofa and sat down, gesturing for Leo to sit near him.  
  
With a sigh, Leo sat down.  
  
Leo had been behaving very strangely for a while now, Jed thought with concern. He hadn't said anything, figuring that Leo would come to him when he was ready to talk about whatever was bothering him. Now, he wasn't so sure that he should wait for Leo to decide to tell him what was wrong. Whatever was going on was destroying Leo. "What's going on Leo?"  
  
He swallowed hard. That worried him. He had never been nervous talking with the President. They had known each other for forty some years after all. They had been as close as brothers for most of that time. Yet, he had no idea how to do this.  
  
Jed's concern multiplied as he studied his friend. Leo looked... hesitant. Leo was never hesitant.  
  
"I was just at Mallory's apartment."  
  
Jed sat quietly, waiting for Leo to continue.  
  
"She wasn't alone." Leo blinked as the image again flashed before him. He swallowed back the bile that the image brought on. "Josh was there. With her... they were... they were..."  
  
Jed cringed. Leo had walked in on Mallory and Josh having sex. He could only imagine how he would feel if he walked in on Charlie and Zoey like that. "That must have been difficult."  
  
Leo swallowed, "I'm just glad that I got there in time. If I hadn't..."  
  
It was several moments before Jed spoke, cautiously picking his phrasing. "If you hadn't arrived, they would have made love. Leo, they are both adults. Would it have been so wrong?"  
  
"Yes," Leo said vehemently. He had to tell the President and he had to do it now, he decided with another sigh. "This isn't easy to say after so long." He paused before starting as he had rehearsed in his mind many times. "When I was in my early twenties a friend asked me for a favor. I didn't want to do it but I knew how much it meant to him. After thinking about it for several days I agreed."  
  
"This favor, was it illegal?" Jed asked with concern. What else could have Leo so flustered? So, upset? Maybe he had been going to Mal's to tell her about whatever it was.  
  
"No Sir. It... he... they had been married for about three years and they had been trying for a baby. Eventually they went to the doctor. It was determined that the problem was with him. He said that they discussed it for months. They both wanted a child so much. They asked me to father a baby for them."  
  
Jed's eyes widened in shock. That was the last thing that he had expected. He would have been less surprised if Leo had said that he had committed murder. "Ah... that was before fertility treatments and sperm donors?"  
  
Leo held back a harsh laugh at the President's tact. "Yeah. I slept with her. I slept with the wife of one of my best friend's."  
  
The President stared at Leo for several minutes before speaking. "She had a baby?" he asked cautiously, afraid that he knew where Leo was going, why Leo was so upset about Mal and Josh being together.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And it was yours. Did you know the child?"  
  
"It was a girl," Leo said softly, picturing his daughter. His first daughter. "She was a gorgeous baby girl. I met her when she was a week old. I held her and it was so hard to hand her back to him. To her dad. I saw her many times after that. She called me 'Uncle Leo'."  
  
Jed released the breath that he had silently been holding but said nothing. At this point in the conversation, Leo needed to be able to remember. He was just glad that his suspicion had proven to be wrong.  
  
"When she was seven-years-old, he again asked me for a favor. They wanted another child. They'd ask someone else but they wanted the two children to be full siblings. They'd look more like each other that way, he said. I agreed." Again, he paused. "This baby was a boy. I was there when his sister met him." He laughed. "She absolutely adored that baby. She immediately started calling him her baby and talking about all of the things that she was going to do with him."  
  
At the news of the second child, the boy, Jed's eyes widened. Could it be...? No, he was an only child. Thank God.  
  
"When he was five, I married Jenny. She never knew. She still doesn't know. I just couldn't tell her and there wasn't any reason to anyway."  
  
"It was almost two years later when we got a phone call. There was an accident, a fire, and the children were in the hospital. The boy was about to be released but the girl..." Even after all these years his voice broke as he remembered the intense pain he'd felt. "She wasn't expected to survive through the night. They asked me to come get the boy. They wanted to stay with their daughter and had no family to care for their son. Jenny agreed that we'd take him for the night."  
  
"It was the next afternoon before he called again to tell us that she had passed on. They picked the little boy up that evening. I watched him at the funeral; he was so confused. He really didn't understand that his sister was gone forever. He asked several times when she was coming back." Leo swallowed the large lump in his throat as he pictured his son's devastated face. Even after all of these years he could still picture it perfectly.  
  
"A few days after the funeral my friend called me again. His wife wasn't doing well. He had thought that their son would be a comfort to her. He wasn't. She couldn't summon the stamina to care for him. She was slipping into a deep depression and he didn't think that he could help her while also caring for a small child."  
  
"I discussed it with Jenny. She really didn't understand why we were taking him but finally agreed. He lived with us for almost six months before his mother was healthy enough for him to move home."  
  
Jed sat staring at Leo as silence engulfed them. He had known Leo while all of that was going on and hadn't had any idea. All these years Leo had kept such a huge secret from everyone close to him. That had to have been horrible. Yet, his sympathy for Leo was dueling with his anger at Leo for committing such a grievous sin. And it hadn't even been a mistake. Leo had purposely and knowingly slept with the wife of one of his closest friends. In the end, his compassion won, at least for the moment. "That must have been difficult. Mourning your daughter in silence, privately."  
  
"Having the boy, my son, helped me a lot. I knew it was selfish but I was grateful that I got him even for just a few months, even though it was because his mother was so sick. I finally got the chance to bond with my child."  
  
"Then Mallory was born the next year, right?" At Leo's nod, Jed continued, "Did Mallory ever know her brother?"  
  
"She knows him. She sees him regularly."  
  
"And you?"  
  
"I also see him regularly, Sir."  
  
Something in Leo's tone caused the President's unease with the situation to grow. "There's a reason why you are telling me now, isn't there? Something's wrong with the boy." He caught his mistake. "I meant man. You have a grown son." He still sounded incredulous.  
  
Leo hesitated. "In a way, yes. His wife died not too long ago. I was very worried for a while but he seems to be getting better now. The problem is that he is now dating, someone totally inappropriate."  
  
Jed blinked in shock. Leo's son was a recent widower. Donna had died less than a year before but the two weren't related, they couldn't be. Josh had no siblings. But, what if he did? Josh didn't talk about his childhood often and he never reveled important details, at least not to Jed. "What is your son's name?" he asked sharply.  
  
"Joshua," Leo almost whispered it.  
  
The President stiffened as he stared at the other man. "Joshua. I..." He shook his head as he stood.  
  
Leo immediately got to his feet but said nothing.  
  
"Joshua. Your son's name is Josh. Damn it Leo! Tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me that your son isn't Josh Lyman!"  
  
Leo didn't respond vocally. He just continued to meet the President's eyes.  
  
"Damn it Leo!" Jed said again as he sank back down into the seat he had vacated. "Your deputy is your son. You knew it when you hired him." He noticed that Leo was still standing, "Sit down."  
  
Leo sat across from the President. He spoke softly. "I hired Josh on his merits. I didn't allow myself to consider that he was my child."  
  
After a few minutes, Jed nodded. He paled as he remembered the beginning of their conversation. "Josh and Mallory were..."  
  
Leo ran his hand over his face. "They were in the kitchen." He scowled, "His hands were all over her. My children were about to have sex."  
  
Jed cringed again. God, what a mess this was. "You told them?" It wasn't really a question.  
  
Leo shook his head.  
  
"You didn't tell them? They were about to have sex and you didn't tell them?" Jed hesitated as a thought occurred to him. "Was this their first time?"  
  
Leo flinched as if Jed had hit him. What if this wasn't their first time? What if they had had sex before? "What have I done?" he asked softly. "How could I have created such a mess? I was trying to help Noah and Clara. That's all."  
  
Jed refrained from telling Leo the sin that he had committed. Leo knew. He didn't need to be reminded. He swallowed back his anger at his best friend for the time being. Josh and Mallory were most important. "When are you going to tell them?"  
  
Leo frowned. "As soon as possible. I need to call Clara and tell Jenny first. I think that they should both be there."  
  
Jed didn't see how Clara and Jenny being there would help, especially Clara, as she was as involved as Leo. But he didn't say that.  
  
Jed stood again. "They are going to flip Leo. Mallory is one thing but Josh. Josh works with you. There is no avoiding each other for a few days until he cools off."  
  
"I know that Sir."  
  
"It is going to be difficult to keep this from interfering with your jobs but you have got to make sure that it doesn't. Your jobs are just too important to allow your personal conflicts to interfere."  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
The President sighed. "There is going to be talk, a lot of talk, once this comes out."  
  
"When do you want to bring CJ into this?"  
  
The President considered it. "Tell your children first. But after Josh and Mallory know, you tell CJ immediately."  
  
A knock sounded on the door and the President's secretary, Debbie Fiderer, stepped into the office. "The Secretary of State is here for your meeting Sir."  
  
"Thank you Debbie. Send him in." He looked back to Leo. "We'll continue this later."  
  
"Thank you Sir," Leo said with relief as Jed exited the room. The President had reacted better than he had thought he would. If only his children would react as well.  
  
**********  
  
The next day  
  
***********  
  
What is going on? Mallory wondered as she parked her car in front of her mother's house. Her mother had called her earlier in the day to invite her to dinner that night. Mal had immediately agreed as it wasn't like her mother to ask at the last moment. Seeing her father's car parked in front of the house reinforced her feeling that something was up. Something big must be going on for her parents to be behaving civilly toward each other.  
  
Jenny swung the door open before her daughter could ring the bell. "Mallory."  
  
Mallory hugged her mother before stepping farther into the house. She was taken back by the worried look on her mother's face. Her mother guided her into the living room, where her father was seated on the sofa. The image brought back a flood of memories. It had been years since she had seen him there.  
  
Movement caught her peripheral vision; she was drawn back to the present. She finally noticed that there was someone else in the room. Turning slightly, she recognized the woman seated across the room. "Mrs. Lyman," she exclaimed in surprise. What on earth would Clara Lyman be doing here? In Washington and in this house? Belatedly remembering her manners, she stammered, "How are you, ma'am?"  
  
Mal studied Mrs. Lyman's face. She looked older than she had at Donna's funeral. In fact, both her parents looked at least ten-years-older than the last time she'd seen them. All three seemed drawn and weary.  
  
"Hello Mallory," Clara greeted her.  
  
Mallory was surprised at the sound of her voice. She sounded completely drained.  
  
What could cause this? What could make her parents get along? What could bring Clara Lyman to DC? "Josh." Mal turned to her father, fear in her eyes and voice. "What's wrong with Josh?"  
  
Had Josh and her father gotten into an argument over what her father had witnessed the night before? Had Josh had a PTSD episode? She glared at her father, "Well?"  
  
Leo sighed.  
  
"Josh is fine Mallory," Jenny said reassuringly.  
  
"Then what is going on?"  
  
Again, Leo sighed, "Not yet, Mal."  
  
She sat down next to her father. "Why not Daddy?" Her concern for her father was currently stronger than her anger toward him.  
  
The doorbell rang and Jenny exited the room. No one spoke while she was gone. When she returned, Josh was trailing behind her. He was just as surprised to see his mother as Mal had been.  
  
Greetings were exchanged and then Josh took the seat next to Mallory, casually draping his arm across the sofa back behind her. Neither Josh nor Mal noticed the cringes of the three other occupants of the room. Leo sat across from his children, eyeing them wearily. Jenny and Clara both sat in armchairs facing their children.  
  
Mallory turned to her father again. "What's going on?" she demanded.  
  
Leo sighed, knowing that there was no getting away from this. He was going to have to tell them now. Mal wouldn't let him get away with stalling. He met his daughter's gaze. "You have a brother."  
  
Mallory gasped and paled.  
  
Josh stared at Leo, shock in his eyes.  
  
Neither Josh nor Mallory thought that it was possible to be more surprised.  
  
Jenny and Clara exchanged worried glances at their children's reactions. If they were this shocked now, how would they react when they heard the rest of it?  
  
"What?" Dozens of questions rolled through Mallory's mind, vying for precedence. "How old is he? Is he a baby? Who is his mother? Do I know her? Is he here is DC?"  
  
Josh chuckled as he squeezed Mal's hand reassuringly. "One at a time Mal," he advised.  
  
Leo paled at the gestured but answered the questions. "He is here is DC," he scowled. "And no, he isn't a baby. He is a grown man, older than you."  
  
Mallory digested that fact with difficulty. "He's older than me? Why didn't you ever tell me about him before?" She gave her father the benefit of the doubt, "Did you just find out?"  
  
Leo shook his head. "I've known since before he was born. I didn't tell you because this is a very complicated situation. Another man raised him. A man whom he thought was his father."  
  
"Did the other man know?" Josh asked curiously.  
  
"And Mom, did she know?" Mal added, addressing her father, while glancing at her mother.  
  
"Your father told me yesterday evening," Jenny answered her daughter softly. "But Mallory, it was before our marriage. It was before I even knew your father."  
  
Mal nodded, glad for that at least.  
  
Why would Leo choose now to do this? Josh wondered. If Leo had told Jenny the evening before, it had to have either been right before or right after he stopped by Mallory's apartment and found them in the kitchen. Had he been at Mal's to tell her about her brother?  
  
Leo met his son's eyes. "He knew. It was his idea. He and his wife were having difficulty conceiving a child. Their doctor told them that he was sterile."  
  
"So he asked you to sleep with his wife?" Josh asked incredulously. There was no way in hell that he would have asked Sam to sleep with Donna to conceive a child.  
  
"You have to understand, this all happened long before there were fertility clinics, with all of their treatments. The couple's only option was to do it that way." Clara spoke for the first time.  
  
"Adoption?" Mallory countered angrily. She couldn't believe that her father had knowingly slept with another man's wife. A close friend's wife. She didn't care what the circumstances were, it was wrong. Glancing at Josh, Mal could see that he felt the same way that she did.  
  
"Adoption wasn't easy back then. Nor was it common as it is today," Clara told them.  
  
"And adoption carried a stigma back then," Jenny chimed in gently. "The children weren't accepted by the extended family and the community as they are now."  
  
"Did you meet your son?" Mallory wanted to know.  
  
"Daughter," Leo corrected softly. Mallory gasped, as Josh frowned, both confused. Hadn't Leo said he had a son?  
  
"A few years later, they approached me again." Leo paused, shame on his face as he remembered that conversation, "That resulted in a child, a boy. My son." Leo smiled to himself as remembered his exhilaration at hearing of the birth. A day after the fact. "I knew both babies. My son even lived with me for several months."  
  
Josh paled but didn't speak. To voice what he was thinking would be lending credibility to it and there was no way that this was true. None. It couldn't be.  
  
"Do I know him?" Mallory asked slowly, as she freed her hand from Josh's grasp. She was terrified that she knew the answer to that question. As she stared at her father, she resisted the urge to cover her ears with her hands. She didn't want the answer to that. She already knew what he was going to say and she hated it.  
  
"Yes," Clara answered quietly. "You've known your brother since you were a baby."  
  
Josh stood abruptly. "No." The word was spoken through suddenly dry lips. His hands were clenched at his sides as he begged them with his eyes to deny it, to tell him that it wasn't true. That he was somehow incorrect. "No." He whispered harshly, in disbelief.  
  
Clara stood up and quickly approached her son. She laid a gentle hand on his arm. He flinched, as though burned by her touch. She grasped him, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Joshua. It's true. Leo is your father."  
  
"And Joanie?" Josh asked hoarsely.  
  
"Joanie's as well."  
  
"No," he said harshly again.  
  
Mallory met her father's eyes. "Josh is my brother?" she whispered in shock.  
  
Josh spun around to face his father. "Damn it! How the hell could you do this to us? Did you want to do this? To tear our lives apart? Rip everything we've ever known about ourselves to shreds? Is this providing some sick amusement for you?"  
  
"You needed to know that you're siblings," Jenny broke in softly, amazed that she was defending Leo and his actions.  
  
"No," Josh disagreed harshly. "Noah Lyman was my father."  
  
He glared at Leo. "I knew you didn't want me involved with Mallory but this... I had no idea that you'd go to these lengths. To pretend that you're my father." He laughed bitterly before turning to his mother. "And you. Why would you go along with this?"  
  
"Joshua." His mother's stern voice broke into his rant.  
  
Josh looked down at the floor, temporarily chastised. That voice always reduced him to a contrite adolescent, which was why she used it.  
  
"How dare you think that either of us would lie about something like this? Neither of us would do that to Noah."  
  
Josh raised his head to meet his mother's eyes. "How do you know it is true? Joanie and I could have both belonged to Papa anyway. You slept with Papa more than you slept with Leo, didn't you?" The last sentence was spat with pure disgust. "Did you ever have a DNA test done?"  
  
"We didn't need to. You and Joanie shared a blood type. It was different than the one that your father... I mean Noah, and I shared. Leo has the same blood type as you."  
  
Josh swallowed, "It couldn't be someone besides Leo?"  
  
"Joshua Lyman," his mother snapped, "The only possibilities were Noah and Leo."  
  
Josh ran his hand through his hair. "Who knows this?"  
  
"The President and all of us here," Leo answered.  
  
Josh met his father's eyes angrily. "You told the President? You told him before you told us? How long has he known? What the hell does this mean for my job?" He started pacing again.  
  
"We'll have to discuss those possibilities later. For now, nothing has changed."  
  
"EVERYTHING has changed," Josh disagreed. "The press is going to find out."  
  
"We're going to have to announce this," Leo told him. "It would be better if we did this ourselves, without involving the White House."  
  
"Yeah," Josh agreed.  
  
"This is personal," Mallory broke in. "I don't want to announce it to the press." She stood. "I don't want my name splashed across every tabloid in the country. I don't want reporters on my doorstep all night long. I don't want my student's parents looking at me curiously, whispering behind my back."  
  
"We don't have a choice, Mal." Josh started to lay a hand on Mal's arm but Mal flinched away. Josh pulled his arm back as if he had been burnt. They stared at each other in horror as the reality of their relationship to each other hit, and they recoiled from the implications of their feelings for each other. A single word exploded in their minds simultaneously – incest. They recoiled instinctively, bile rising in their throats.  
  
Leo saw their actions and cringed. It was going to be very difficult for them to adjust. "We have to do this Mal. They'll find out anyway. This way we are in control."  
  
Mal laughed harshly. "In control? Do you like being in control? Do you like manipulating us? Manipulating everybody?"  
  
"Mallory," Leo said warningly.  
  
Josh ran his hand through his hair again. "I can't do this right now." He abruptly turned towards the door. "We'll have to do this later. I just can't think logically right now."  
  
"Josh," Leo called before Josh could leave, "I'm going to have to tell CJ."  
  
Josh stopped. "I'll talk to CJ." He spoke without turning around.  
  
Without another word, Mallory glared at her father, then quickly followed Josh out the door.  
  
Leo sank down onto the couch as he watched his children walk out of the house - possibly out of his life. He let his head drop into his hands as he expelled a long breathe.  
  
**********  
  
"Josh?" Sam caught Josh as he entered the West Wing later that evening. "Did you read the file on...?"  
  
"No, Sam, I didn't." He continued walking.  
  
Sam blinked. What was with Josh? He had been fine when he'd left just a couple of hours ago. Concerned, he followed his friend through the West Wing. Finally, Josh stopped outside of CJ's office.  
  
Josh turned to Sam. "I need to talk to CJ."  
  
Sam didn't respond, he merely followed his friend.  
  
"Alone," Josh added pointedly.  
  
Sam's face fell at Josh's gruff tone, but he turned to go.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Sam turned back.  
  
"After I talk to CJ, do you want to go out for a beer?"  
  
"Sure. Do you want me to ask Toby?"  
  
"No," Josh answered, too quickly.  
  
Sam nodded, his eyes showing his confusion. "Okay."  
  
Josh stepped into CJ's office without knocking.  
  
"You guys are really going to have to learn to knock," CJ said as she looked at him over the top of her reading glasses.  
  
Josh shrugged, "Carol wasn't at her desk."  
  
"Sit down." CJ took in Josh's appearance. He looked weary and confused. His eyes held the remnants of extreme anger. His hair was badly mussed from him running his hands through it repeatedly. She hadn't seen him look this bad in a long time. Not since the weeks following his wife's death. "What's wrong Josh?"  
  
"You always tell us that you're our first call." He shrugged, "This time it was just as easy to come here as it was to call."  
  
She sat up straighter, her voice weary. "What did you do?"  
  
He laughed but it was a humorless sound. "This time I didn't do it. This one is not my doing at all."  
  
CJ studied him in confusion. Had he been drinking? No, he didn't smell of alcohol.  
  
"This time it's my father's fault." The word 'father' was said derisively.  
  
"Your father? Josh, do I need to call Stanley for you?" CJ asked carefully.  
  
"I'm not crazy CJ. I'm not blaming something on a dead man," Josh scoffed. "I'm not talking about Noah."  
  
CJ blinked as the implication of his words hit her. "Are you saying that Noah Lyman wasn't your father?"  
  
"Yep," Josh answered cheerfully. "Heck of a time for them to choose to break it to me, wasn't it?"  
  
"Who's 'them'?"  
  
"Mom, Leo, and Jenny. Mallory was there too."  
  
"Leo and Jenny were there?" CJ repeated cautiously. "Why were Leo and Jenny there?" Please let me be wrong, she prayed silently.  
  
Josh scowled, "Leo is my father. They told me that Noah asked him. Asked him, one of his closest friends, to sleep with his wife in order to conceive a child," he sneered.  
  
"Leo is your father." CJ opened her desk drawer and took out a bottle of Aspirin. She swallowed two, along with the cold, stale remnants of coffee in her cup.  
  
Josh laughed harshly again. "They wouldn't have told us, but they were afraid that my sister and I were going to do something inappropriate."  
  
"Inappropriate? Your sister?" She stared at him in confusion for a few moments, then closed her eyes as she realized the implications of his statement. "You mean Mallory." She opened her eyes. "Please tell me that you and Mallory hadn't done anything inappropriate."  
  
"You want to know if Mal and I slept together." He stated flatly, bile rising in this throat. "No, we haven't."  
  
CJ breathed a sigh of relief. "Leo walked in on us, before it got that far."  
  
CJ pressed a hand to her throbbing head. "Leo. Stopped. You."  
  
"Last night, he walked in on us, together, in Mal's apartment."  
  
"How far had it gone?" she asked, hesitantly.  
  
"Not far enough." He gave a humorless chuckle. "Don't worry, Claudia Jean, I haven't fucked my sister."  
  
CJ held back her cringe. He really wasn't doing well. "Who knows about this?"  
  
"Leo, Jenny, Mallory, Mom, President Bartlett, and the two of us." He shrugged, "The President may have told the First Lady. I don't know."  
  
CJ blanched, "The President knows? How long has he known? Did he know when you were hired?"  
  
Again, Josh shrugged, "I don't know, I think Leo told him recently."  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief. At least the President didn't knowingly allow his best friend to hire his own son as his deputy. "Have you discussed the ramifications of this with Leo?"  
  
Josh shook his head mutely.  
  
"We're going to have to release this ourselves. We don't want the Enquirer to get a hold of this. The Chief of Staff and Deputy Chief of Staff for the White House are father and son. This is going to be a media circus." She sighed, "Especially with the circumstances. His illegitimate son. There are going to be people who will call your mother and Leo liars. They'll say that they had an affair but, since Noah is dead and can't discount what they've said, that they concocted this story to help save their reputations."  
  
"What reputations? My mother wanted a kid so badly that she cheated on her husband with his consent," he said scornfully. Not for the first time, he wondered how his mother could have done something like this. How could she have been so selfish? Deeper thoughts jumped unbidden from his subconscious – where was Noah when this transpired?  
  
CJ glanced at Josh worriedly. In some ways, it would be better if he were drunk. He didn't seem to have any control over his emotions toward this matter. He was angry, confused and hurt. He had no idea how to deal with this. That was a dangerous combination for anyone. But for Josh, it was more than dangerous.  
  
Like this, Josh was a time bomb waiting to explode. He could and would destroy himself. Especially without Donna to calm him, to help him deal with this.  
  
"Have you spoken to Sam?"  
  
"I'm gonna talk to him when I leave here."  
  
"I can deal with this. If you want to go?"  
  
Josh stood. "Mal doesn't want this announced," he informed her as he left.  
  
CJ dropped her head down onto her desk. How could four men as smart as Leo, Josh, Toby, and Sam cause so many problems for her to fix? How could they have so little control over themselves and their actions? Sam and his call girl friend, Josh and his many exploits, Toby and his very public problems with Andi before the twin's births and their very public reconciliation since, and Leo with the drinking problem and now this. How could they be so stupid? She didn't go around getting into trouble like that.  
  
*********  
  
Mallory drove in circles. She knew that she should probably stop, but had no idea where to go. If she went home, her parents would be able to find her. She knew they were looking; they'd called her cell phone several times before she turned it off. She just couldn't handle talking to either of them right now.  
  
She had known that something was wrong, very wrong, as soon as she walked in and saw the two of them together. She knew that she wasn't going to like whatever they were going to tell her, yet this was the last thing she'd expected.  
  
In some ways, this felt like an incredibly confusing, very weird nightmare. But if it was a nightmare, why hadn't she woken up?  
  
She had always had awful tastes in men but she was sure that this had to be a record. She had been dating her own brother. Just the thought made her shudder.  
  
Her own brother for God's sake. At least she hadn't fallen in love with him. That would have been way too soap-operaish for her tastes.  
  
Thank God, her father had shown up when he had the night before. She couldn't believe how close she had come to having sex with Josh. How much she had wanted to. Just the thought of what would have happened if her father hadn't showed up caused bile to rise in her throat.  
  
You always heard stories on newsmagazines like Dateline, stupid, ridiculous, incredulous stories - about one secret tearing several lives completely to shreds - but you never thought that it would be you. You never thought that your parents could be keeping something that important from you.  
  
Now, everything was different. It would never be the same.  
  
She and Josh had always been close – but now, to be siblings? She knew, in her heart, that what they had told her was the truth, but it was going to take her awhile to acclimate herself to the idea that she had a brother. A brother who happened to be one of her closest friends.  
  
And a sister. As a little girl, she had wanted a sister more than anything. Every year she had put 'sister' at the top of her Christmas and birthday lists. She begged her mother and father over and over again. When she was seven, her best friend's mom had a baby girl and she refused to talk to her parents for weeks because of it. Mal hadn't understood that and had offered to take the baby to her own house. Her friend's parents hadn't been amused.  
  
Now, finally, she had a sister, a sister whom she'd never get to know. She and Joanie would never stay up all night talking about boys, makeup, and gossip. They'd never be bridesmaids at each other's weddings. They'd never gang up on Josh together. They'd never cry over lost loves together.  
  
She had never known her sister and yet she felt the pain of the loss. She missed the sister that she'd never known. If she felt like this, how must Josh feel? He had had almost seven years with their sister.  
  
Coming to terms with all of this would be difficult in the best circumstances. But with the press involved? With everyone knowing her family's business and whispering about it? With everyone staring at her whenever she was in public?  
  
Her father and Josh had willingly gotten involved in politics. They knew the risks to their personal lives, to their personal business. They knew that their pasts could be brought out into the open. She hadn't chosen to go into politics. She had stayed as far from the business as she could. Now, it didn't matter. She was going to be brought into this anyway.  
  
She really couldn't blame the reporters. It was a scandalous, captivating story: friends, sex, adultery, secret covenants, political ramifications. Reporting interesting stories was their job. She herself listened to things on the news and read them in the papers knowing that it was none of her business. She had to grudgingly admit being addicted to People magazine with all of their articles on celebrities. Everything was in a different perspective when it was you, though.  
  
She realized that they had to announce this. She had realized it even as she threw her fit about it at her mother's house. They had to release it before someone found it on their own, they had to control the spin. It would have been nice if they had asked her opinion though, considering that it affected her too. That was why she threw her fit. They needed the reminder that she, too, was involved. That this affected her life.  
  
She just hoped that this blew over quickly.  
  
*************  
  
Clara sighed with relief as she carefully placed the phone back in its cradle. "That was Sam. Thank God, Josh is with Sam. Sam promised not to leave him tonight."  
  
"Now if only we could find Mallory," Jenny replied. "Not that we are going to. She is hiding from us. She's done this many times." She sighed. "She used to do this every time her father and I had a big fight."  
  
Clara sat down across from her friend. "I'm sure that she'll call after she's calmed down some."  
  
"Do you think either of them are going to calm down? They are both so angry."  
  
"I think that they are both angrier about being lied to for so long, about the deception, than they are about Leo being Josh's father," Clara said after several minutes of silence. "I think that as soon as they calm down and start thinking rationally, they will begin to understand our reasoning."  
  
They were silent for several more minutes as they reflecting on the evening's events, on the situation, on how they had rationalized their actions, and the ramifications – for decades.  
  
"Why did you pick Leo?" Jenny finally asked what she had been wondering since the previous evening.  
  
"Noah and I discussed it for a long time before deciding to do it. It was the hardest decision that I ever made. I knew how people would react if it ever came out. I knew what they'd say about everyone involved. After we'd made the decision, Noah and I started discussing possible options for the baby's father. Noah had no brothers. Most of our close friends were married and we didn't want to ask that of a couple. Leo was unattached. He was also intelligent, loyal, and caring. The only problem was that he wasn't Jewish but in the end we decided to overlook that."  
  
Jenny nodded. Those were the very qualities that had attracted her to Leo. "And he agreed without argument?"  
  
Clara laughed, "Oh, no. He and Noah went to a ball game and Noah asked him afterward. Later that night, Noah told me that Leo's initial reaction was to stare at him silently. Then, he started laughing. He thought Noah was joking. Once Noah had convinced him that he wasn't kidding, Leo asked, as you just did, why him and Noah answered like I just did. Leo wanted to know if Noah was out of his mind."  
  
Jenny laughed softly. She had wondered that as well.  
  
"It was weeks before Leo finally called Noah to say that he'd do it."  
  
Jenny hesitated, not sure if she should ask but she was very curious. Besides, she considered it her business since she was likely going to be hounded by the press over it. "Noah was really fine with it? With you..." Again she hesitated. "Sleeping with one of his closest friends?"  
  
"It was difficult for Noah. But then it was difficult for Leo and I as well. None of the three of us were comfortable with the situation. Noah and I were only willing to do it because we wanted a child desperately. Both of us had been raised without much family and very much craved having one of our own. We did go see a lawyer about adopting but were told that it would take years to get a child if we ever did. Leo was our last resort. I don't know why Leo did it. I never asked." She paused. "Maybe I didn't want to jinx it."  
  
She paused, embarrassed to go further, yet knowing she had to; Jenny, as Leo's former wife, deserved to know. "We were together once, Joanie was conceived. With Josh, it took longer."  
  
They both blushed, neither wanting to delve further into the circumstances of Josh's conception.  
  
"I'm surprised that it didn't somehow affect their friendship. Make them uncomfortable around each other," Jenny commented.  
  
"It did at first; as time passed, the tension faded. By the time Joanie was born, it was completely gone. They were both completely infatuated with their little girl."  
  
Jenny studied Clara's face, her emotions reflected as she thought of her daughter. She knew that talking about Joanie was still very difficult for the other woman; Jenny remembered Joanie's death and Clara's emotional collapse. She pressed further, though, with caution, "When Noah asked us to take care of Josh for a few months after Joanie, was it because Leo is Josh's father or just because he trusted him, like he told us?"  
  
Clara sighed. "Noah and I never discussed it. I knew that Josh was with Leo. I honestly didn't care for several weeks. I just couldn't summon the strength to care. I knew that Josh was safe with the two of you. At first, it didn't even occur to me that he was Josh's natural father."  
  
She sighed again. "I know how awful that sounds, but I couldn't help it. I allowed my grief over Joanie to completely encompass me without any thought of Josh, how he had to have been feeling. I'll never forgive myself for that. Through my actions, Josh perceived that I blamed him which couldn't have been farther from the truth."  
  
She met Jenny's eyes. "I'll always be grateful to Leo and to you for caring for Josh when I couldn't. You'll never know how grateful I am to both of you for that."  
  
"I didn't want to at first," Jenny admitted since they were being completely honest with each other. "I didn't understand why it had to be Leo and myself. It took Leo quite a while to convince me. I should have known that something wasn't right. It was so important to him," she mused. "When Noah brought Josh to us, my heart almost broke."  
  
She stole a look at Clara, then decided to cushion her words. To not reveal that Josh sat for weeks on his bed, as if in a trance. "He was nothing like the Josh that I had seen so many times before. He was quiet and sullen. He did nothing wrong for the first weeks that he was with us. As time progressed, he started to come out of his shell, to act like himself again." Jenny smiled. "Caring for Josh convinced me that I wanted a child of my own."  
  
"I just hope that this doesn't irrevocably harm the bond that Josh and Leo have," Clara brooded.  
  
"Or Mallory and Leo" Jenny concurred.  
  
Both were silent as they thought about how this would and could affect their children. And Leo.  
  
**********  
  
Leo beheld the beer sitting on the table before him. Funny how even after this long, he could convince himself that it was just beer. It wasn't strong alcohol so there wasn't anything wrong with drinking it. It wouldn't be falling off the wagon. It wouldn't disappoint those who cared about him. It was just a beer.  
  
Thank God, he was now strong enough to fight against that voice in his head. Strong enough to argue against the evil, insidious voice. The one that beguiled him during his victories, that enticed him in his defeats. That called to him: constantly, insistently, invidiously.  
  
It would disappoint those who cared about him. It would disappoint his children. His children's mothers. It would disappoint the President and First Lady. But most of all, it would disappoint him.  
  
This time, he wouldn't allow the alcohol to win. He wouldn't allow it to take his control away from him.  
  
Standing, he lifted the bottle by it neck. In the small kitchenette, he popped the top off and poured the contents down the drain. The contents from the rest of the bottles quickly followed.  
  
Without another glance at the empty bottles, he went to his bedroom. He glanced down at the stand by the bed. Pictures of all of his children graced its surface. He had done that the day he'd moved into the hotel. Joanie, holding the baby, Joshua. Joshua, holding the baby, Mallory. A picture of himself, posed between Josh and Mal, at the first inauguration. Now, the pictures of his son wouldn't have to be hidden. Photos of Josh could be proudly displayed along with the pictures of Mal in his office at the White House.  
  
So many things were going to change now. Not all of them were as good or as easy as the pictures, Leo thought as he sunk down onto his bed.  
  
His relationship with Josh had always been close. They had had a paternal relationship since Noah's death during the first campaign. Ironically, now that Josh knew that he was his biological father, their relationship could very well be ruined.  
  
Josh had been fragile emotionally since he was a small child. He blamed himself for his sister's death. He felt his mother hadn't wanted him after Joanie's death – that she too thought it was his fault. Josh had never been close to his mother – Noah's death had devastated him. He felt guilty for being in Illinois, rather than at Noah's side, when Noah died. Rosslyn and it's aftermath, the PTSD, exacerbated Josh's pathos. When Donna had died, he, Clara, Sam, and the others had all been worried that that was the last straw. That Josh just wouldn't be able to cope. Now, Leo again had to wonder if his son could get past this. If he hadn't been so worried about Josh's psychological stability, he would have told Josh long before now.  
  
Then there was the staff. The staff would have various reactions. Some would distance themselves from Josh as soon as they knew that he was the boss's son. Some would be angry; they would feel that Josh only got his job because of his connection to Leo. If Josh and Leo's relationship was strained, some would feel they had to take sides.  
  
The press was going to love the story. Whether they believed that Noah had asked Leo this favor or thought that the story was just a cover-up for an affair, America's citizens were going to be intrigued by this story. It would be the latest celebrity scandal.  
  
Leo sighed. As the media covered this story, they'd also rehash old news: his alcohol addiction and divorce, Josh's brushes with death, the fire, Rosslyn, Donna's death, they'd all be brought up again. Even Joanie's death would likely get coverage.  
  
And Mary Marsh and her cohorts were going to love this. This was probably the stuff that their dreams were made of.  
  
Yet, as Leo flipped the light off, he felt good. He was relieved that he'd finally done it; he'd finally told Josh the truth. And he was selfishly happy that he could now tell the world about his son.  
  
**********  
  
The next morning Carol peeked into CJ's office. "Leo wants to see you before Senior Staff."  
  
As Carol retreated, CJ stood with a sigh. She quickly made her way to his office and Margaret waved her inside. It was obvious from the secretary's expression that she knew that something was up but had no idea what.  
  
"Sit down." Leo didn't look up until CJ was seated. "You spoke to Josh last night?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"He told you that he's my son?"  
  
CJ met his eyes. "Yes."  
  
"He told you the circumstances?"  
  
"Yes," CJ said again.  
  
"Do any of the others know?"  
  
CJ hesitated. "He and Sam went out for drinks."  
  
Leo nodded. He'd expected as much.  
  
CJ asked the obvious, "Are we going to announce this?"  
  
"We have to. Josh and I have to discuss how to announce it though."  
  
"A leak?"  
  
"Possibly."  
  
Again, CJ hesitated. "The President knows?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Did he know when you hired Josh?"  
  
"I told him a couple of days ago."  
  
CJ breathed a sigh of relief at that confirmation. This was going to be bad enough without that.  
  
"I'd like you to tell Toby. Tell him that he can tell Andi."  
  
CJ looked at Leo in surprise.  
  
"I think it is best if the announcements to the staff and our friends are done informally and very quietly, before we announce it to the press."  
  
CJ nodded her understanding. Toby knew that something was going on anyway. He had asked her earlier in the morning but she had refused to tell him.  
  
A knock sounded on the door. The others had arrived for the Senior Staff meeting.  
  
CJ studied the men as they stepped into the room. Toby's eyes held as much curiosity at her early presence as they ever did. He raised an eyebrow in silent question but she ignored him.  
  
Josh looked haggard. His eyes were hollow from lack of sleep, their depths were filled with so many emotions as he stared at his father that CJ couldn't pinpoint them all. He looked bone-tired and very weary as he gingerly sat as far from Leo as he could.  
  
Sam also looked like he had gotten very little, if any, sleep. His hair, which was usually perfectly coifed, had been hastily combed this morning. Sam was studying his best friend with concern. His eyes, when they briefly flickered to Leo, flashed with coldness and anger. It appeared that a side had been taken, CJ thought with a sigh.  
  
Toby stared at the others in the room. What was wrong with all of them? Josh looked worse than he had after his wife's death. Josh kept staring at Leo, a mixture of emotions crossing his face.  
  
Leo stared back at Josh but every time he'd try to meet the younger man's eyes, Josh would turn away. Leo also looked harried.  
  
Toby turned his attention to his deputy. Sam looked exhausted and he had left very early the evening before. He was used to far longer nights than that. Sam was watching Josh with concern evident on his face, in his eyes. When Sam glanced at Leo, his eyes showed a depth of anger that shocked Toby.  
  
What the hell was going on? Toby wondered again as he watched CJ glance between Josh and Leo for about the hundredth time in five minutes.  
  
*********  
  
After the staff meeting, CJ caught up with Toby outside the office. "Do you have a minute?"  
  
Toby perused CJ's face before silently gesturing for her to follow him back to his office. In the office, he closed the door. He instinctively knew that CJ was about to clue him in on whatever was going on. Funny, for once, she and Sam weren't the last to know.  
  
CJ sat across from Toby. "Noah Lyman wasn't Josh's natural father." Knowing that Toby hated it when people used small talk to stall for time in uncomfortable situations, she purposefully got to the point.  
  
Well, that wasn't what he expected. "Leo knew about it?" It wasn't a question.  
  
CJ couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, he knew." She quickly sobered. "Leo is Josh's biological father."  
  
Toby silently opened his desk drawer and extracted a small pink ball, which he immediately fired at the wall. He easily caught it as it bounced back and threw it again.  
  
CJ was used to this and didn't even flinch when the ball sailed past her head. "They told Josh and Mallory yesterday."  
  
"The press?"  
  
"This has to be announced. Josh and Leo haven't decided how to announce it yet though."  
  
"They can't do it here," he said as he once again caught his ball. "They need to announce this themselves away from the White House."  
  
CJ nodded her agreement. She thought that too but it was Josh and Leo's decision, along with the President of course.  
  
"If you get the question, the White House doesn't comment on the personal lives of its staff." He threw the ball again absentmindedly.  
  
CJ stood, knowing that he needed time to mull this over, he'd have questions later in the day. "Leo said that you can tell Andi."  
  
*********  
  
Toby quickly snapped the tiny snaps on the front of his daughter's sleeper. He had become very adept at that in the last twenty months.  
  
Andi did the same for Huck.  
  
Toby lifted the toddler off of the changing table. "CJ told me something interesting today."  
  
Andi raised an eyebrow. Toby wasn't usually one for gossip. "What did Josh do now?" she wondered out loud.  
  
"Josh didn't actively participate," Toby said dryly.  
  
Andi gave him a confused look as she picked Huck up. "Huh?"  
  
"This one was his parent's doing." Toby kissed Molly's forehead and laid her in her crib.  
  
Andi put Huck in the crib next to Molly's before turning to face Toby. "What? Isn't Josh's father deceased?"  
  
Toby flipped the night-light on and the main light off before stepping out of the nursery. "Noah Lyman died during the first campaign. Josh's father is very much alive."  
  
Andi froze outside of the twin's room. "Are you saying that Noah Lyman wasn't Josh's father?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And Josh just found out?" Andi continued before he could answer, "Poor Josh. It has to be horrible to find out that you are adopted this late in life. Why did Clara tell him?"  
  
Toby headed to the family room, Andi right behind him. "He isn't adopted."  
  
Andi's eyes widened but she said nothing.  
  
"Apparently Noah was sterile." Toby and Andi sat on the sofa. "He asked a friend to inseminate his wife. The friend agreed and Josh's sister Joanie resulted. A few years later, Noah once again approached the friend. Josh was born." He had gotten more details from CJ before going home, knowing that Andi would want them.  
  
"Wow." After a moment, she commented, "I didn't know that Josh had a sister."  
  
"Joanie died when they were children. I don't know any of the details."  
  
"Wow."  
  
And that wasn't even the best part, Toby thought dryly. "Josh's father is Leo."  
  
Andi stared at her husband in silence for almost a minute before responding. "Is this some sort of joke Toby?"  
  
"I wish it was," he told her truthfully.  
  
Andi stood. "Leo McGarry is Josh Lyman's father?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Leo hired his own son to be his Deputy Chief of Staff in the White House? This is wonderful. Just wonderful. Does the President know?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Did he know when Josh was hired?"  
  
"Leo told CJ that he didn't tell the President until recently," Toby answered with a sigh.  
  
"They are going to have to announce this." She could already see some of her fellow congresspersons salivating over this information. Some of them would likely scream unfair hiring practices.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How is Josh taking it?"  
  
"He glared at Leo all during Staff today, as did Sam." He wasn't naturally comfortable talking so openly but it had been one of Andi's terms in their remarriage so he was learning to adapt to it. "Besides that, he was quiet and withdrawn all day."  
  
"Do you think that this will cause a PTSD episode?" She and Donna had been close friends. After Donna's death, she had joined Mallory, CJ, and Sam in looking out for him. The others, including Leo, had all been there for Josh too but they hadn't been as obvious as CJ, Sam, Andi, and Mallory who had actually met a few times to discuss Josh.  
  
"I hope not." That was the last thing that they needed.  
  
Suddenly, a thought occurred to her, "How is Mallory?"  
  
"I haven't seen Mal since she found out."  
  
Andi mentally made a note to check on both Josh and Mallory as soon as possible. She just hoped that they could both handle the weeks to come.  
  
**********  
  
Glancing at the clock, Josh grabbed his phone. Almost everyone had left the West Wing by now. It was so quiet. His hand froze before he could punch in the last digit and he dropped the phone onto the desk with a curse. He couldn't call her, not now. Not anymore.  
  
This had happened several times in the last four days. He'd start to call Mallory before he remembered everything that had happened. Before he remembered why he couldn't call her. Why he couldn't have any contact with her.  
  
More and more people were starting to find out the truth. Leo felt that their friends and employees should be told quietly and informally. He knew that not because his father had told him, CJ had.  
  
He and Leo hadn't actually had a personal conversation in four days. The only times that they had talked was during Senior Staff meetings, only when absolutely necessary, and always through a staff member. They both spoke in clipped tones as they tried to force their thoughts and emotions back.  
  
The other Senior Staff members were also very much affected by this. The tension was getting to all of them. Josh could tell that it was very difficult for Toby and CJ to not take a side. They both shifted awkwardly during Senior Staff meetings as they looked between Josh and Leo and served as a buffer.  
  
Sam had appointed himself Josh's guardian. He spent most evenings trying to persuade Josh to go out for drinks or to watch a game. He obviously didn't want to leave him alone to seclude himself again.  
  
Others were gradually being told. Josh had known immediately after Margaret found out. He had been walking past Leo's office after a meeting in the Oval just as Margaret had been exiting her boss' domain. She had frozen the second her wide eyes had fallen on Josh. She had stared at him for several seconds before she had abruptly forced her eyes away from him and turned her attention to a filing cabinet.  
  
The First Lady had stopped by his office to see how he was doing. She insisted that even though she had known Leo for over three decades, Josh could come to her if he needed to talk. She had told him that she was very disappointed in Leo's handling of the situation. She had also assured him that she had spoken to Mallory several times and that Mal was doing all right. Before she left, she made him promise that he would tell someone if he started to have any PTSD episodes or symptoms.  
  
Andi had dropped by the morning after Toby told her. She hadn't stayed long. She had said that she just wanted to let him know that if he needed to talk, both she and Toby were available. Josh had barely restrained his laugh at the image of Toby listening intently as he confided all of his innermost thoughts to him. He had thanked Andi and told her that he had made an appointment with Stanley. Even though he hadn't.  
  
Ed and Larry just stared at him whenever he passed them. If he spoke to them, they stammered their response.  
  
Of all those who knew, Josh was the most relieved at Charlie's behavior. Charlie had found out the day before, sometime before the evening Senior Staff meeting. When Josh had arrived at the Oval for the meeting, Charlie looked up and met his eyes. He gave him an encouraging nod and smile. That was it. Josh had known that if he wanted to talk, Charlie was there but wasn't pushing.  
  
The door to his office opened and Josh looked up, startled.  
  
"Julie wasn't at her desk."  
  
Josh met his father's eyes for the first time in almost a week but said nothing.  
  
Leo stepped into the office and sat in the visitor's chair across from Josh. "We need to talk."  
  
They did, Josh admitted reluctantly. "Fine."  
  
"There is already talk about us around DC. A few reporters have stopped CJ to ask her what is going on between us. Why we aren't getting along. One of them even knows that your mom is staying with Jenny. We have to announce this before someone figures it out."  
  
Josh sighed, "Yeah."  
  
"We need to do this ourselves without the President involved."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
It was Leo's turn to sigh. "I just spoke to Mallory. She says that she understands that we have to do this but she doesn't want to be there."  
  
Neither did he, Josh thought silently. "She needs to be there when we announce this," he said.  
  
"If you called her..."  
  
"No," Josh broke in firmly.  
  
"She is your sister..."  
  
Josh eyed him coldly at the unneeded reminder. "I said no, Leo." He knew that it was childish but he couldn't help it, stressing Leo. He was rewarded by his father's slight flinch.  
  
After a moment Leo spoke again, ignoring the pain caused by his son's hostility. He didn't blame Josh for being angry with him. In the same circumstances, he would be just as pissed as Josh was. It still hurt though. "We need to have a press conference."  
  
Josh picked up a pencil and absently twirled it between his fingers, "Fine."  
  
"This weekend?"  
  
Josh sighed. It was bad now but once the world knew, it would be a hundred thousand times worse. He wanted to keep this mess quiet for as long as possible, yet he knew that the longer they waited the more the chance that someone would stumble upon the information. "Where do you want to hold the press conference?"  
  
Leo knew that the question was Josh's way of agreeing. "I was thinking that we could hold it outside of my hotel. I'd hire security to help hotel security keep the press outside."  
  
"Fine."  
  
When Josh said nothing more, Leo stood up. "I'll let you know once I have some more details."  
  
Today was Wednesday. In three days it would all start.  
  
*********  
  
As Josh let himself into his apartment about an hour later, his phone began to ring. He ignored it. The answering machine would pick it up on the second ring and if it was someone important he could pick up then.  
  
Josh's voice filled the room followed by a long beep. The caller swallowed hard, so hard that Josh could hear it over the machine. It was several seconds before he heard a tentative voice. "Josh, it's Mallory." More silence. "I just..."  
  
Josh stared at the machine as Mal's voice filled the room. She sounded as confused, hesitant, uncomfortable, and unsure as he felt.  
  
With three quick strides, he made it to the phone and lifted it from its cradle. "Mal."  
  
"You're there," she said unnecessarily.  
  
"Yeah, I just got here."  
  
After a few uncomfortable, silent moments Mal asked, "Did Dad talk to you before you left?"  
  
Josh carried the cordless phone across the room and sunk down onto the sofa. "Yeah, he did. He wants to do the press conference this weekend."  
  
Mallory winced, "So soon?"  
  
Josh sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "People are starting to ask questions. He's afraid that someone is going to figure it out."  
  
"What is going to happen once he announces it?" Mallory asked with concern palpable in her tone.  
  
"A press frenzy."  
  
"I meant with your job. Can the Congress insist that the President fire you?"  
  
"They can try. President Bartlett does his own thing though, I doubt that he'll go along with it." He paused a moment. "I'm more worried about you, Mal. This is going to be pretty bad." She was going to hate what he had to say next. "Do you think maybe you should take a leave of absence for a few weeks and go somewhere where the reporters can't find you?"  
  
"A leave of absence?" Mal repeated carefully.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Are you going to take a leave of absence?" she asked sweetly.  
  
"No," he answered evenly.  
  
"Is Dad?"  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"Yet, you expect me to?"  
  
"It's different with you Mal..."  
  
She interrupted him, "Of course it is. I'm female and I'm not a politician." Her voice was filled with venom.  
  
Josh barely held back his flinch. "That's not what I meant. We can't take leaves of absence."  
  
"Oh, but since my job is so much less important I can. Is that it?"  
  
Josh sighed, "It's not that Mal. I know that your job is just as important as mine is but you know this is different. The school can get a substitute teacher to take your class for a couple of weeks. The White House can't just find a sub for Leo or I."  
  
His statement was greeted by silence.  
  
Pausing slightly, he decided to try another tactic. "Mal, think of your students. Do you want them to have the press swarming around the school? Do think that would be good for them?"  
  
Mallory considered her brother's questions. She reluctantly answered, "No."  
  
"If you are at the school, the reporters will also be there; trying to catch you as you arrive and leave each day," Josh told her.  
  
"They'll bother the school whether or not I'm there," she told him sharply.  
  
"Reporters will most likely call the office looking for a statement," he admitted. "They also might try and camp out in the parking lot but if you are on leave of absence, it will be a lot easier to get them to leave."  
  
"I love my job as much as you love yours."  
  
"It'll only be for a few weeks, until things die down," Josh persuaded.  
  
Mal sighed. He was right. She hated it, but he was right. "Two weeks," she finally said. "When I tell the principal, I'll ask for a two week leave of absence." She thought for a few seconds, "I should probably warn my students that they'll be seeing a lot of me on the news soon and that if they see any reporters on school grounds they should alert an adult immediately."  
  
Josh smiled triumphantly but kept it out of his voice. "Yeah, you don't want them to be completely shocked when they hear about it on the news."  
  
"Do you think they'll bother Mom and Mrs. Lyman?"  
  
Josh laughed harshly, "They are going to bother anyone who they think might have details for them. If Huck and Molly were just a little older, they'd probably get questions about this."  
  
Mal cringed as much at his laugh as at his words. He wasn't doing very well. She really wished that Donna were still here with him. Just by being there, she'd make this whole thing easier for Josh. "Josh, have you spoken to Donna's parents?" she suddenly asked.  
  
"Huh? Not in several weeks. Why?"  
  
"You should tell them about all of this before it is on the news."  
  
"You're right," he sighed, "I'll call them tomorrow."  
  
They both fell silent again but this time it wasn't quite so uncomfortable.  
  
"Dad wants me to be there when he announces this," Mallory finally said what she had really called to say.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Are you going to be there?"  
  
"Yeah. We don't have to like this Mal. We don't have to be a happy family. But if we present a happy family image, it will go away faster. Strife is more interesting than peace and happiness."  
  
"Where is he going to hold the press conference?" she asked after another moment of silence.  
  
"At his hotel."  
  
"Can you let me know when it is going to be?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll give you a call."  
  
"Thanks. Goodnight Josh."  
  
"Night Mal," he said even though she was already gone. He clicked the off button but just sat there holding the phone for several minutes.  
  
He missed her. Talking to her hadn't helped at all. It had made things worse. Now he wanted to see her even more than he already had. He wanted to hold her, to touch her.  
  
As he pictured Mal, he could feel her mouth as it opened for him, he could feel her respond to his touch, could taste her passion for him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't push the thoughts away. He couldn't make himself forget. He couldn't cause his feelings for Mal to change, to metamorphose into something acceptable. He'd never forgive his parents and Leo for putting him, them, into this position, for causing all of this. He hated them for it.  
  
Mallory sat there, staring at the phone, wishing that she could pick it back up and redial his number. It had been so good to talk to Josh. She had missed their conversations so much. Before all of this had happened they would talk for hours, sometimes on the phone, other times at a bar or club. She could tell him anything, confide anything in him. Now she needed that outlet, they both needed that outlet and it was gone.  
  
She almost wished that they could just go back to the time before they knew. She and Josh could be more secretive, keep Leo from finding out about them. They'd never have to know. Their lives would never be torn apart.  
  
Her feelings confused and terrified her. When she looked at Josh, heard his voice, or thought of him, it wasn't as a brother. Or, as she had never had a brother before, it wasn't as she imagined that she should feel about her brother. She cared about him so much and she didn't know how to stop it. Didn't know how to stop herself from wanting to be with him.  
  
A tear slipped from her eye and she angrily brushed it away. Damn her father and Clara for doing this to them. For causing all of these inappropriate feelings between them.  
  
**********  
  
On Saturday afternoon, Josh stepped through a back entrance into Leo's hotel and silently followed an employee to a service elevator.  
  
Upstairs, the man led Josh to a large hotel suit. Josh tipped the man and stepped into the room. Leo sat in an armchair with the television remote in his hand, scowling at the TV. Clara and Jenny were on the sofa talking quietly. No one else had arrived.  
  
Clara looked up when she heard the door. She gave her son a small smile, which he ignored and she sighed. He had been like this since they had told him. This was one of the reasons why she hadn't told him sooner. She had been terrified that by doing so, she would lose her only remaining child. It appeared that she had. Josh just couldn't understand why she, Noah, and Leo had done what they had. He didn't grasp the fact that his very existence was the reason why they had. Yet again she cursed the fact that the technologies so readily available these days just didn't exist when they needed them.  
  
Josh found a seat within view of the television. A reporter was onscreen outside of the hotel speculating on possible reasons for the press conference. Josh was relieved that the man didn't seem to have a clue as to the real reason for the conference, yet it also annoyed him. Most of the man's guesses were so outlandish that under other circumstances he'd probably find them humorous.  
  
The screen changed to show Toby and Andi approaching the entrance. Toby was pushing a double stroller, which presumably held Huck and Molly.  
  
"Congresswoman Wyatt, are you here for the press conference that Leo McGarry is holding later this afternoon?" a reporter called out.  
  
"Do you know what he is going to be announcing?"  
  
"Why isn't whatever this is being announced at a White House briefing?"  
  
Andi smiled at the gathered reporters as she and Toby pushed past but didn't answer any questions.  
  
As soon as Toby and Andi were out of sight, the network went back to their speculations.  
  
A few minutes later a knock at the door alerted them to Toby and Andi's arrival at the room. Josh immediately stood to let his friends in. After quickly ushering them inside, just in case a reporter had managed to get inside, he greeted Toby and Andi.  
  
As the others greeted Toby and Andi, Josh kneeled down next to the stroller. "Hey guys."  
  
"Hi." Molly returned with a gap-toothed grin.  
  
Huck, who was trying to figure out how to open the safety belt that held him in place, ignored Josh.  
  
Looking down at the toddlers, Josh couldn't help but wonder what his own children would have been like. He had often imagined his and Donna's children, even before their romantic relationship had technically started. If Donna hadn't died, would they have a baby now? Would she be pregnant with their first child? Would their children have been inquisitive, rambunctious, into everything like Huck? Sweet and almost cherubic like Molly?  
  
"Out," Huck demanded, still fiddling with the belt.  
  
Pulling himself from his reverie, Josh lifted Huck out of the stroller.  
  
"Down," Huck insisted, squirming in Josh's arms. Once Josh had set him down, he looked all around his new surroundings before darting as fast as his little legs would allow him across the room.  
  
Toby grabbed his son just as he reached out to switch the TV set off, which was one of his favorite games. He would flip the TV off declaring 'all gone' and then turn it back on and start over. He carried the protesting toddler across the room and took a cracker out of the diaper bag.  
  
Josh sighed, and picked up Molly, heading back to his seat holding her, content in his arms. Molly turned on Josh's lap so that she was facing the rest of their group. She waved a chubby hand at Leo before noticing her brother. "Cwaker," she said, holding her hand out.  
  
"Cracker," Toby said as he handed a saltine to his daughter.  
  
Another knock sounded at the door. Toby, who was still standing, crossed the room. He opened the door, stepping aside to let Mallory enter.  
  
Stepping into the room, Mallory scanned the other occupants. Her father sat facing the television. His dark suit was neatly pressed and his hair was immaculately combed. His face was set, his eyes the only betrayer of any emotion. He glanced up at her but she quickly averted her eyes.  
  
Her mother was watching her wearily. Mal knew that her mother had seen her reaction to her father. Jenny's hair was pulled back out of her face and secured with clips. She wore a neat suit in light blue.  
  
Her eyes skipped over the stroller parked to the side. Andi smiled encouragingly. Mallory returned the smile with a small one of her own. She and the Congresswoman had become close friends since Donna's death.  
  
As she stepped farther into the room, her eyes fell on Josh. He sat facing her with Molly on his lap. The little girl was playing with Josh's tie but Josh didn't seem to mind. Josh's hair was still neatly combed, she knew that he had been resisting the urge to run his hand through it. Outwardly, he looked good. The reporters and those watching the press conference and subsequent news coverage at home would not be able to see anything amiss. But she knew Josh. Briefly meeting his eyes, she could see the anger and confusion still churning there.  
  
Mallory sat down on the sofa, next to Josh. She was more nervous than she had ever been in her life. She could tell that the others were too. Clara Lyman kept shifting in her seat nervously. She glanced up at the clock a few times as if wondering why time was passing so slowly or, perhaps, so quickly.  
  
As she watched Clara, she didn't feel sorry for the woman, or the repercussions of her actions. Clara and her father were the cause of all of this. All of the rest of them had had no say at all, yet they were affected by it. She and Josh were as affected at her father and Clara.  
  
The media was going to hound all of them, not just Clara and her father. It really wasn't fair, Mallory thought for about the hundredth time.  
  
On the TV, CJ and Sam were pushing their way through the reporters and camera operators assembled outside the hotel. Questions were hurled at them.  
  
"CJ, can you tell me what Clara Lyman is doing here in DC? And why is she here at the hotel? Is she going to be a part of the press conference?" a reporter called loudly.  
  
CJ and Sam kept walking, not betraying their surprise at the questions.  
  
Everyone inside the hotel suit winced. They hadn't thought that anyone besides those in the room, CJ, Sam, and the Bartlett's knew that Clara was at the hotel or that she was involved in the press conference. They hadn't wanted the press to have any time at all to speculate about why Clara was involved. Someone would eventually figure it out.  
  
"This is going to be bad?" Mallory whispered. It wasn't meant to be a question but it came out as one.  
  
Josh scowled. "Bad? The press is going to rip us open and expose our deepest wounds to the American people, many of whom will greedily consume every detail, true or not."  
  
Mallory held back a flinch at Josh's tone. She didn't think that she'd ever heard him sound so bitter.  
  
Leo sighed at his son's tone. He didn't know if Josh was ever going to forgive him or Clara for causing all of this. Neither Josh nor Mallory cared that he, Clara, and Noah hadn't planned for this to happen. That they hadn't done it to hurt anyone. All they cared about was that this was now destroying them. Their parents' good intentions couldn't help any of them.  
  
In some ways, Leo thought that it would be better if it had happened in another way. If he, Clara, and Noah hadn't have knowingly started all of this. If he and Clara had come together once, while drunk and Noah hadn't been involved at all. If it hadn't been a conscious decision. Everybody made mistakes. What made his so unforgivable was that he had known what he was doing, had had time to think about it, yet had done it anyway.  
  
If it had been a drunken mistake, at least Josh would have something to relate it to. Josh had himself been drunk, probably more times than he could remember. It was not unconceivable that he had had sexual relations while drunk. In fact, it was pretty likely.  
  
Josh couldn't relate to a couple actually asking a close friend, or anyone else for that matter, to sleep with the woman, for any reason. He had been married and never would have thought of doing something like that. There were other options, he and Mallory had both expressed that thought. Neither of them could really understand what it had been like in the late fifties and early sixties. There really hadn't been any options.  
  
Pulling himself from his thoughts, Leo glanced at the clock. He turned to face the rest of the inhabitants of the room. At some point, CJ and Sam had arrived at the room. Sam now sat on the sofa next to Josh, playing peek-a- boo with Molly who still sat on Josh's lap. CJ was playing with Huck, hiding his toy in various obvious places and making him look for it. Toby and Andi were watching both of their children in amusement. Jenny and Clara both sat quietly observing the whole group as he was. Mallory had moved to a sidechair, focusing too intently, on the TV.  
  
The First Family had wanted to be there to show their support for all involved but no one had thought that that was a good idea. In fact, they had thought that it was an awful idea. They didn't want this any closer to the Presidency than it already was.  
  
Leo stood, "It's time."  
  
Everyone looked up from whatever they were doing at the words.  
  
Josh silently stood up and crossed the room. With a repressed sigh, he handed Molly to Toby and headed toward the door.  
  
Mallory stood, and trying to stall for time, carefully smoothed her skirt out. That done, she slowly walked toward the door passing Sam, who shot her an encouraging smile. She tried to return the smile but couldn't manage more than a brief and humorless baring of her teeth.  
  
Clara joined the small group at the door.  
  
Leo pulled the door open and they all stepped outside of the suit where they were joined by some of the security guards that Leo had hired. The group silently stepped into an elevator to make their way down to the ground level.  
  
In the hotel suit, the group watched the reporter on screen continue to speculate on the reason for the press conference.  
  
With a deep breath, Mallory stepped out of the elevator. This wasn't going to be so bad, she told herself. She wasn't going to have to say anything. All she had to do was stand there and look supportive of her father. She, Josh, and their father had to look united; they had to look like a family. Like the family that they were by blood but only by blood. She doubted that they'd ever be a family in any other way. She and Josh were too hurt, betrayed, by their father's actions, and his silence as to their true relationship for that to happen.  
  
As the group made their way outside, Mal thought about how surprised, no shocked, the people that she had told had been. Her principal had just started laughing when she told him. When she told him that it wasn't a joke, he had stared at her. The two teachers that she had told, both close friends of hers, had had similar reactions. Everyone else had just been told that she was taking a leave of absence due to personal reasons. She had warned her students that they might see her on TV sometime soon but hadn't said anything more. Several of the kids had taken that to mean that she was going to be on a TV reality show while she was on leave of absence. They thought that that was really cool. She hadn't corrected them. Hadn't told them that she wished that that were the case. Even the worst reality show would be better than this.  
  
Leo, Josh, Mallory, Clara, and the security guards stepped outside and cameras went off. Leo calmly made his way to the microphone. The others stood together a few feet behind him.  
  
Leo thanked the press for coming before beginning his announcement. He, Josh, Clara, and Mal, with CJ's help, had decided to simply tell them the truth, even though a good portion of them wouldn't believe it.  
  
"Many years ago, a close friend of mine, Noah Lyman came to me for a favor. Noah told me that he and his wife had been having trouble conceiving a child and had gone to a see a physician. The doctor told them that Noah was sterile. He asked me if I would father a child with his wife, Clara."  
  
A murmur of shock and excitement ran through the assembled crowd.  
  
"I agreed. Approximately nine months later, Joanie Lyman was born. When Joanie was seven, Noah asked me to help him and Clara have another child. This time the child was a boy. They named him Joshua."  
  
The murmur that had gone through the crowd seconds before changed to a shocked gasp.  
  
"I'll take a few questions."  
  
Hands went up and questions were shouted.  
  
Leo calmly called on one of the reporters patiently waiting with her hand up. "Katie?"  
  
"Mr. McGarry, are you saying that Josh Lyman is your son?"  
  
"Yes," Leo answered calmly. "Danny?"  
  
"You mentioned a daughter, Joanie. Where is Joanie now?" Leo realized that Danny, Josh's friend, knew damned well what had happened to Joanie, that he was throwing a softball, helping Leo to spin the story.  
  
In the hotel suit, several people cringed but CJ noted that Josh kept his feature schooled, as did Leo. Clara wasn't able to hold back a faint flinch as Leo answered.  
  
"When Joanie was fourteen, there was a house fire, Joanie didn't survive."  
  
"Did you attend her funeral?" someone shouted.  
  
"Yes. Michael?"  
  
"Were Josh and Joanie conceived naturally?"  
  
"Yes, they were. Alex?"  
  
Another excited murmur went through the reporters.  
  
"Mr. McGarry, you hired Josh first for the Bartlett for America campaign, then as your Deputy Chief of Staff at the White House, knowing that he is your son?"  
  
Leo kept his voice level. They had known the question would come. "Josh was hired on his own merits. The fact that he is my son was not a factor."  
  
"So you didn't care that hiring him meant that you could see your son everyday?" Alex pressed.  
  
"Getting to see Josh on a daily basis was a bonus; however that was not why he was hired. Josh is very qualified for his job, he does it well. Jessica?"  
  
"Does the President know that Josh is your son? And if so, when did he find out?"  
  
"I told the President a few weeks ago."  
  
"Josh, how do you feel about Leo being your father?"  
  
Leo looked back and received a small nod from Josh, who took a few steps forward. Josh looked out at the reporters and cameras, not showing any change in expression as he spoke, giving them the answer that they had rehearsed. "I've always respected and greatly admired Leo. That hasn't changed." With that, Josh went back to his place next to Mal.  
  
"Thanks. That's all that we have time for." Leo turned and went back inside, the others right behind them. The reporters yelled out questions as they departed but were ignored.  
  
Well, that part was over, Josh thought with relief as they stepped back into the elevator. Now it would all really start.  
  
As the elevator started up toward their floor, Josh glanced towards his father. Outside, he had said that he respected and greatly admired Leo. That was true. He had.  
  
But it had changed. How could he respect someone who could do something like that? Someone who ignored his moral impulses like that?  
  
He doubted that he'd ever forgive his father for any of this.  
  
His father? No, Leo wasn't his father; he was merely a sperm donor.  
  
Noah Lyman was his father – always had been, always would be.  
  
They re-entered the hotel suite; he waited for Mal to pick up her purse, then he took her hand and turned toward the door. She wordlessly followed him.  
  
************* 


End file.
